10 Qualities That The Fierce Lady Embodies

The Fierce Lady is a woman in Love. She adores men, faces her demons, & nurtures the world. 

So you’ve read the 10 Qualities That Make you a Fierce Gentleman, and you thought to yourself: All well and good, but what about the Ladies? 

Here, dear reader, is what about the Fierce Ladies:

You know who this is. A true Fierce Lady, Audrery Hepburn

A true Fierce Lady

  1. She cultivates inner beauty. As much pressure as women in the modern world get to use all available resources for appearance, the Fierce Lady actively cultivates her natural, inner beauty. She does this by filling her mind and heart with messages that are positive. She understands there is a deep reservoir of peace within her, and she actively taps into this. Her outer beauty is a reflection of deep inner peace and joy, and she lets nothing get in the way of her access to this inner strength.
  2. She puts others first. This is not self-debasement. The Fierce Lady knows that if she hasn’t taken care of herself, she can’t take care of anyone else. She has compassion first for herself, so she may have compassion for others. Starting from a base of healthy self-esteem, the Fierce Lady knows how to think about what others want, be considerate of their needs and desires, and be solicitous of them. Because of this, she is a pleasure to be around.
  3. She allows herself to be put first. Because her self-worth is not neurotically tied into always being in a serving role, she can relax and allow herself to be cared for, tended to, looked after, and, yes, put first. She recognizes that this is generosity, not selfishness: that other people (often men) get pleasure from serving women, and so she gives them the gift of allowing them to take care of her. And the best givers are great getters. She understands that the wheel of Giving and Getting is simply the karmic cycle of the Gift, and she doesn’t try to over-control its flow, but surrenders into the flow instead.
  4. The Fierce Lady surrenders. Whether it be surrender to her lover, or the larger surrender to the flux of events in the world, the Fierce Lady understands there is only so much she can do, only so much she can control. She practices regularly opening her posture, her breathing, and her heart in the middle of the most difficult situations — those that tempt her the most to shut down completely. She knows that her greatest gift lies in the undefended opening and blooming that allows her to catch the most sun. And she knows that it is her surrender that most opens her man.
  5. She adores Men. Many women on the path to becoming Fierce Ladies have mixed feelings about men. They love them and hate them, adore them and fear them. This fraught relationship reflects inner demons that must be confronted and conquered. A Fierce Lady has conquered her demons, repaired her relationship to the masculine, and henceforth simply adores men for all they offer her. Although particular men may become beloved to her heart, in this area she broadcasts wide adoration of all men, despite their particular quirks and foibles — and all men can feel this, and are attracted to the Fierce Lady because of it.
  6. She is Fierce. You can call this “feisty” or “fiery” or “strong”, but it comes to the same thing: the Fierce Lady is no shrinking violet (although she may have started out that way). She speaks her mind, she stands up to authority when authority is wrong, she does the right thing regardless of what law or conventional wisdom says to do. A Fierce Lady is a lioness. She has the same protective instinct for all the downtrodden in the world that a mamma bear has in protecting her cubs, and this is fired with a finely-honed sense of justice. She steps in to protect those who cannot protect themselves, and care for those who cannot care for themselves.
  7. The Fierce Lady loves. She loves animals, she loves nature, she loves men, she loves women, she loves shoes, she loves something — passionately, independently, fiercely. The object of her love is less important than the fact that she is overflowing with it, freely broadcasting it into the world. It is said that men want love, but women are love — and it is true. (Really, both men and women are Love, but let’s not pick nits  — we’re making a list here.)
  8. The Fierce Lady is impeccable with her word. She understands the considerable power of her words — the power to heal, and the power to harm. Because of this great power, she takes great care and daily discipline to avoid using her word against herself, against her sisters, or against her brothers or anyone else.
  9. The Fierce Lady understands soft power. Her discretion, diplomacy and subtlety command the greatest respect, and get the greatest results. She understands how easy it is to “try too hard” and how easy it is to “effort it” and use the linear, masculine power that gets results, but at great cost. She understands that between the water and the rock, the water always wins. She channels this power of Nature and wears down her obstacles. Every time.
  10. The Fierce Lady nurtures the world. This is a very wounded world. The Fierce Lady understands that what the world needs now is not more harsh, angular & austere solutions, but more nurturing. This is why the Fierce Lady addresses herself to the deepest and most painful wound she feels called to address, whether this is rescuing stray animals or feeding orphans in Africa. She knows that as long as she brings her warmth and nurturing love to this wound, it doesn’t matter if it’s the ‘biggest’ or ‘most important’ — what matters is merely that she knows, from listening to her deepest inner voice of of wisdom, that this is exactly where she should be, doing exactly what she is doing.

I will admit I wrote this list with no small amount of trepidation, as I am a man interpreting a female archetype.

I can ask only for the gentle consideration of my Fierce Lady readers, as they make suggestions to add or enhance this list.

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Also published on Medium.

46 Comments 10 Qualities That The Fierce Lady Embodies

  1. eunice

    This is great wisdom from a man. You have nailed it right. Fully explained my personality. Wow. I always thought no one will understand. Thank you for writing this. xxx

    Reply
      1. Cez

        Sending in my thank you’s from Asia. You wrote it with such wisdom and with a hint of grounded and objective awe. I’m forwarding this to all my friends.

        To be a human being is about the courage to cross thresholds and I have found that to be a woman requires a unique sense of bravery to accept the uncertainties with fortitude and commitment. Women birth the world every time we rebirth ourselves.

        Thank you for your blog! It is precious!

        Reply
        1. Drew

          Wow, what a beautiful comment. What you wrote about “grounded and objective awe” is exactly how I feel about women, so thank you for putting that into words, and for leaving such a beautiful comment on my blog. Thank you for sharing this work and this journey of being men & women together in the world with us.

          Reply
          1. Cez

            You’re welcome.

            I have a gentle amendment to my comment.
            Though to be a woman is an exquisite and unique experience, I made an error in how I phrased the last part of my message. I don’t think we hold exclusivity to the capacity for “rebirth.”

            With gender as a beautiful gift, it may also simply be a springboard to fully realize our conscious and integrated nobility which inevitably connects us further to the male and female in every human being.

            Of note, where I am from in Asia, part of the wisdom of our culture (before “purposeful” colonialism – I tread on dangerous ground by pairing those two words together), considered men and women as warriors of equal merit.

            What’s even more remarkable is that we also just have one word for “queen” and “king.” Nice, right?

            Thanks again for your earnest writings. Much needed in our time.

          2. Drew

            Men and women as warriors of equal merit — what a beautiful way of expressing the truth.

            Have you read much David Deida? I’d be curious what other books or teachers have informed your evolved perspective on the nature of masculine & feminine duality.

  2. Disapointed

    I found this to be offensive and sexist because are women just suppose to limit themselves and be pampered silly and not strive for the success and greatness that you say men should go for? I was actually really looking forward to reading this article because I thought that this would be a more modern site in its approach on women but I suppose it wasn’t. For starters, not all women like being pampered by men and it’s not their duty to make men feel “good.” Two, we should acknowledge that not all women love men and this article is very offensive to those individuals. Really, what was the writer of this article even thinking?

    I’m very disappointed and more than a bit offended.

    Ladies, you can follow all the rules they have up for MEN on this website but I would just consider going to another site if I must be honest. .

    Reply
    1. Andrew

      Is it not possible for a woman to strive for greatness in the morning and delight in serving her (wo)man (& being served in return) in the evening?

      Reply
      1. Marwah

        It is very possible to strive for greatness in the morning and delight in serving and being served in the evening. In fact I enjoy the successful and challenging life I lead as a NASA Engineer and I enjoy the comforts of my home when I return to find him just as interested in letting me prepare his dinner as he is in cuddling up with me and reading a book to me as I lounge in his lap and sneak a little nap. There is nothing wrong with that.

        Femininity does not have to be derived from a certain set of rules or someones opinion of you but it is derived from embracing your powers as a woman and balancing your life with them. Every woman wants to be taken care of and Every man wants to be taken care of, it is expressed differently but this article is not offensive in the least.

        Thank you for taking the time to write this article, Andrew, it is wonderful and I couldn’t have put it any better.

        Reply
        1. Andrew

          Thank you for commenting Marwah, your experiences validate those of many other women (& men) I have heard from. We all have both masculine and feminine energies — we all desire to serve and be served — we all strive for greatness and success, but also rest and respite. The beauty that comes from actually doing this for one another is what I want for everyone!

          Reply
  3. Pingback: 7 Rules for the Fierce Lady - Fierce Gentleman

  4. Bernice McDonald

    Ah – here is the article I was looking for as a new reader and supporter of your Fierce Gentelman philosophy.

    Andrew, you have nailed it in so many ways. “Woman” has an inherent depth of light within her that is both strong and gentle. She is water that can wear down any rock if she is truly herself as she stands before her Creator just as she was made exempt from all the stuff that life throws at her.

    You are right. It has nothing to do with sexual preference or stereotyping. It is just man and woman with their inherent traits. Many varying versions of this exist as life beats on us, as we experience our individuality and mixture of gifts, wounds and personalities. But the beauty of the human heart is that, when set free, there is a love and compassion at the core that shines through and enhances all the strong traits in us and allows us to touch the world and those closest to us in very unique ways. Our touch can bring out the best or love through the worst. We may not “like” what we see but we see beyond the action and behavior to the person inside always.

    I say keep on writing and expressing what you believe because there are so many of us who need to have this perspective of who we are. It gives us permission to relax into our feminine mixture of “soft on the inside, strong on the outside” and still allow the masculine decision making, organizational, giving side to be there in all its glory as well when needed. We are amazing creatures!

    Thank you for putting that into words.

    Reply
    1. Andrew

      Thank you Bernice! What you’ve written here has a resonance that enhances the original article. Thanks for shining your light of wisdom here!

      Reply
  5. Kev

    I enjoyed reading what you have offered as a rudimentary explanation of a Fierce Lady. Definitely some food for thought. I also applaud you for having the courage to tackle an idea/concept that I have not personally seen anyone attempt to quantify and describe before; so saying that, it is only natural for reader criticisms to be issued from points of views that have been constructed on pre-existing ideologies that may not, either by virtue of an inherent design or by some unconsciously devised mechanism for self-preservation which either doesn’t possess or won’t permit the capacity or suggestive latitude to accommodate a fresh perspective on aspects of gender roles in today’s society. There is a saying about birds pecking the most at the best tasting fruit…….

    Reply
  6. William

    Since when has nurturing and adoration been exclusive only to sexuality? Cannot a lesbian have adoration for a man or vice versa? Do gender roles quell the need to love and be loved? There are some pretty high handed remarks here from some people that I feel are “listening to their own babies crying”. Perhaps there is a thought that a man should not be able to critique or offer advice towards women but that is unrealistic, as we are all humans here tied together trying to figure it out. I believe this is an excellent article that should be passed on to all women and men, as these values would foster self respect which is the first step in respecting others.

    Reply
    1. Andrew

      Thanks for commenting William; you’ve understood my original intent very well. There is nothing in this article that refers to sexuality or gender specifically; what I’m proposing is that ALL men love ALL women equally, regardless of their sexual preferences; and that ALL women love ALL men equally, regardless of their sexual preferences. I’m hoping that over time, more and more readers come to understand that.

      Reply
  7. chris Ellis

    We fierce ladies totally agree with you! Here is one more attribute of a Fierce Lady with which I think you might agree.
    The Fierce Lady looks at everyone and sees the child they one were. Children are darned near perfect and the Fierce Lady sees this perfection and directs her energy at that despite any invitation to the contrary.
    I love your Fierce Gentleman ideal and am sharing your posts to all my Fierce friends!
    Thanks for the lovely article!
    XO Chris

    Reply
    1. Andrew

      Thank you Chris! That is a wonderful addition. Part of nurturing, whether from a man or a woman, involves seeing the hurt or pain that is still wound deep into our selves, and ministering to it tenderly. Thanks for sharing and spreading the love! All the best.

      Reply
  8. Alice

    Well…that’s rather limiting. Rigid in terms of constructed gender norms (“nurturing,” seriously?). Also supremely heterosexist.

    My two cents as a woman.

    Reply
  9. Jen

    I agree. I like these in general, but I still sort of chafe at the heteronormativity they reinforce. And I say this as a straight woman who is fortunate enough to be married to a FG. I have many friends (both male and female) who embody the FG/FL archetype, but are not attracted to members of the opposite sex. I just wish both pieces were written in a manner a little more welcoming to LGBTQ people.

    Reply
    1. Andrew

      Hey Jen, thanks for commenting. Sexuality preference has been explicitly left out of both articles.

      For as many people as there are that read this Fierce Ladies as heteronormative (i.e. “adoring men” must mean “adoring men romantically”) there are an equal number of people who think I lifted the word “Fierce” straight from the gay lexicon, rather than from its original dictionary definition.

      This site doesn’t address sexuality. That’s the biggest misconception people have about it. It addresses the Masculine, the Feminine, and men and women, however those four pieces are arranged. I hope that clears things up.

      Reply
  10. Ben Walker

    This blog often speaks to me, particularly in its messages about discipline and compassion. I come often to read and re-read many of the articles. One reaction I often find myself having in some of these articles is that the articles often adhere to fairly rigid concepts of gender and sexuality. I am leaving this comment in haste, so I am not able to elaborate as much as I’d like, but I thought it might be constructive. Contact me if you have questions! Thank you!

    Reply
    1. Drew

      Hey Ben — I have to admit this feedback is resonant with me. I often do feel that our perspectives here are fairly narrow. However, I think that is part of their appeal. This is not the biggest possible tent we’re building. We definitely have a belief about gender archetypes and we’re sharing it because we feel it is being under-appreciated in mainstream culture. But, your comment is taken in the spirit in which it was left, which is constructive! Thank you for taking the time!

      Reply
  11. Ines Almeida

    “Violent or discriminatory sexism, called hostile sexism, is used by men in patriarchal societies to police women’s behavior. When women defy gender roles by acting in a way that is perceived as too “masculine,” men use violence to punish them and remind them of their feminine role. Benevolent sexism is simply the reverse of this; it isn’t the punishment for acting too masculine, it’s the reward for acting appropriately feminine.[3] These two types of sexism often exist together and men (or societies) that use one will generally use the other. So why do women like it when men hold boxes? If a woman is being rewarded through benevolent sexism (e.g., put on a pedestal) than at least she isn’t being punished through violent sexism. It’s easy to see how violence is wrong, but is being on a pedestal really that bad?”
    read the rest here: http://www.sparksummit.com/2012/02/06/research-blog-“ill-get-that-for-you”-chivalry-is-alive-and-holding-your-boxes/

    Reply
    1. Drew

      An interesting read. Are you suggesting this article is engaging in benevolent sexism? If so I’d be curious as to what would make you think that or feel that way.

      Reply

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