How to Build Confidence

How do you build confidence as a Fierce Gentleman?

You don’t. You already have it. Because aspiring to become a Fierce Gentleman (or Fierce Lady) is f***ing awesome. 

I’ve just reviewed the top 15 Google hits and most-shared articles of all time for “building confidence” and “how to build confidence” and “how to get confident” and what I found was so conventional, I almost threw up.

Here’s how the truly exceptional people I’ve studied — people like Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Richard Branson, & Shawn “JAY Z” Carter — live their lives with confidence:

  1. Try to stop me. I don’t need permission from anybody. If it’s a good idea, I’ll do it. If it fails, it wasn’t a good idea, and I’ll do something else. If you want to stop me, you’re welcome to try, but you probably don’t have what it takes. (Picture Richard Branson chartering a private jet and then selling tickets, despite not having money to pay for the jet.)
  2. Is there evidence I can succeed at this thing? If so, do it. If not, see #3.
  3. Is there any evidence that I CAN’T succeed at this thing? Having never done it before doesn’t count. Lack of negative evidence is as much cause of confidence as presence of positive evidence. (Tweet it.)
  4. Does this thing need to be done? Then I’ll do it. If it doesn’t need to be done, somebody else can waste their time with it.
  5. Is anyone else doing it well? If not, I’ll do it.
  6. Do I suck at this thing, but realize that it’s very important that I get better at it eventually? Then I’ll keep doing it until I get better. Pardon me, everybody, while I make a mess! The situation will improve presently.
  7. Am I alive? Then I’m a human, and deserve as much consideration, respect and authority as any other living human being does. I feel confident about that.
  8. Is everyone thinking it, but nobody is saying it? Then I probably need to say it. Because most people lack confidence.
  9. Am I a fundamentally good person? Yes. Therefore I need to stand up for what I believe, loudly. This is what we used to call “having the courage of your convictions.”
  10. Is everyone talking in abstract or theoretical language, making things sound overly complicated? It’s probably not that complicated. Let’s just do it.
  11. Is my mind giving me reasons I’m not good enough, smart enough, or otherwise shouldn’t pursue what I really want? Shut up, mind; we got this.

Look at this man. Does he look like he’s lacking confidence?

random_confident_man

Heck no he doesn’t. Neither should you. You may not look like him, or dress like him, but that doesn’t matter — you should be every whit as confident as he looks. (And you can work on getting fitter and becoming a snappier dresser over time, as a way to help you further build your confidence.)

Look at this woman. Does she look like she’s lacking confidence?

confident_woman

No she doesn’t. Why not? Because she’s a clearly a f***ing badass. 

So what are the 3 keys to building rock-solid, unbreakable confidence?

You will have rock-solid, unbreakable confidence the very instant that you install in your mind the following 3 key beliefs:

  1. All humans are equal, and none are more equal than others. What does this mean? It means you never have any reason to take sh*t from anybody, or dish any out to your fellow humans. Dish love, not hate.(Twitter this.)
  2. You’re dishing love to your fellow humans every minute of every day, which means you’re worth prospering, and every good thing will come to you in due time. So don’t stress.
  3. Everything that happens to you is designed to make you into a stupendous badass, including (especially) the “bad” things, and this is true for everyone else as well. Events are perfect in this way so all you have to do is learn the lessons in every moment and use them to make the world a brighter place and you’ll be unstoppable.

Now.

How do you build unlimited confidence in social situations, forever and ever?

Refer to the belief above, “All humans are equal” and realize that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent, as Eleanor Roosevelt said.

Another trick you might use in social situations — say, when you meet someone that sorta intimidates you — is realizing that every single person you meet was once a 3-pound lump of blubbering snot-congealing flesh that peed itself 3 times a day.

And ultimately, we’re all going to dissolve into the same mouldering earthworm buffet  (unless we disappear in a poof of angelic light first) so in the brief moments we’re walking around at cocktail parties with stupid grins, let’s not take ourselves so seriously.

Speaking of taking oneself seriously, I found the following — from Founders & Funders — very useful when considering confidence vs arrogance:

confidencevsarrogance

We hope this article pointed you in the right direction.

Go, and lack confidence no more!

flourish4

New articles twice a month. Click here to get Fierce Gentleman in your inbox.


Also published on Medium.

5 Comments How to Build Confidence

  1. Marcos

    Dear Drew,
    I have been building up my confidence after a very difficult situation, which in my case was a divorce process almost 4 years ago. I totally agree when you say bad times are good. Right after the moment I was alone I could not understand that because I was so deeply hurt that my mind was not able to realize the value of that storm. However, through the learning process it gave me, it became clear it was actually a gift. Now, I am much more solid than ever, and going up. Keep up the work, very nice article!

    Reply
    1. Drew

      Thank you for the comment Marcos, and congratulations on this important realization! It sucks to have to go through difficulty, but we all go through them. If you put your head down and grind you will come out the other side a stronger and more confident person. Stay up!

      Reply
  2. Maddie

    Great tips! I loved your comment about the woman in the photo, very funny. This is a category I am admittedly lacking in but hopefully your advice will be beneficial. Great post!

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Lessons in Resilience From Navy SEALS And The Woman Who Swam From Cuba to Florida - FG

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *