Valentine’s Day is Every Day

St Valentine baptizing St Lucilla - from WikiCommons

St Valentine baptizing St Lucilla – from WikiCommons

Valentine’s Day is every day.

It is our responsibility to love, cherish & honor our brothers and sisters, in all seasons, for all reasons.

After all, they are our co-creators of the world, and if we can’t find a way to get along with them, all of creation will suffer.

This world is held together by Love. Who among us is an expert in the giving and receiving of Love? All too few. It’s more comfortable to be sarcastic and jaded, hardened by life’s bitterness.

Dostoevsky called sarcasm “the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.” The modern world has indeed been coarse and intrusive with the souls of many modest people. It’s easy to be battered by this cold world, and to forget Love.

Let us not forget. We need Love daily, like we need water and air. Without Love, our souls shrivel.

Today is a day to practice giving Love freely and without expectation of anything in return. St. Valentine’s Day – and every other day – is a day to practice innocent, unguarded Love for all we interact with.

Love increases by being given away. You don’t have to take my word for it, you can try it out and see for yourself.

Most of us were never told this. Instead, our world teaches us the upside-down and inside-out belief that Love means lists of standards to uphold. How miserly and small-minded this is! Modern romantic rules are designed to keep us in maximum misery. It’s time to break free of those rules.

Our world is wired for competition, not cooperation and certainly not connection. Cutting through this mire of isolation and loneliness is the primary purpose of a Fierce Gentleman or Fierce Lady. Whatever else they do, whatever other Purpose or calling they live, they live it in the Spirit of this gift of Love. By creating connection & warmth wherever we go, we spread hope, enlarge the possibilities in others’ lives, and sow the seeds for the more beautiful world we must bring into existence.

PRACTICING  LOVE

Spreading Love on a practical level is simple & easy. You can do this today:

  1. Cut a cardboard box into four pieces
  2. Write “FREE HUGS” on one of the pieces
  3. Stand on the busiest street corner near you
  4. Hug anyone who comes by

Hugging release oxytocin, a hormone that causes people to feel good about themselves, life, and everything. By hugging one person, you can set off a chain reaction that helps them be kinder to everyone else they meet for the rest of the day, or the rest of the week. You could turn one person’s life around. Or maybe a hug could turn into a life-saving conversation. You hug a stranger, a butterfly flaps it’s wings, and you plant a karmic seed that will enable you to donate $1MM to charity, or save a life. You never know.

This principle is all around us. Take the cruise ship Queen Mary: 

800px-RMS_Queen_Mary_20Jun1945_NewYork

At over 1,000 feet long, it’s bigger than the Titanic and it’s steered by a 140 ton rudder.

That huge rudder is so big it has a smaller rudder that steers it, called a trim tab. Moving the trim tab causes a low pressure area that pulls the larger rudder around, and when the 140 ton rudder moves, so does the 81,000-ton Queen Mary.

Be a trim tab today. Create a low-pressure area of Love in someone else’s life, and with that tiny effort, we can change the course of this whole crazy world.

Oxytocin is also shown to be related to ethnocentric behaviors, that is, to encourage people to feel strongly about their “group.” Our “group” is humanity. We are all jointly passengers and drivers on Spaceship Earth, and we can no longer afford to hate. We can no longer afford the luxury of begrudging any of our brothers or sisters their clean water to drink, their unfouled air to breathe, their right to a better life. We need arms  big enough and strong enough to encircle the whole world. We need Love big enough for everybody.

If this sounds naive, so be it: today is the day to be naive. Also tomorrow, and the day after. And don’t stop being naive until you’re living in the world you dream of.

I hope you’ll join me in this effort to practice Love every day, and increase it by giving it away. You see, the Ego has gotten ahold of Love, and done its best to twist it into a corrupted, sick shape that increases the amount of suffering in the world. Does she Love me? Will he ever Love me again? Will I be Chosen for Love? Can I ever be Happy without a Love? Don’t I need someone to Love me before I can be truly fulfilled? These questions keep us tumbling through the depths of our own anxiety & lack, where the Ego wants us to live, paddling ineffectually down the dank river of misery that runs through our lives.

It’s time for us to get out of that river and walk the other way. The everyday question we should ask instead is: How can I spread Love today? and How can I give Love away?

Every act of Love counts, from a smile to a hug to a sincere letter of encouragement. No act is too small to resonate on the cosmic scale.

PRACTICING ROMANTIC LOVE 

Proper Valentine's Dinner - found on Tumblr - source unknown

However fancy the dress, make sure Connection has a seat at the table – found on weheartit

If you’re looking for ideas to shower on the loves of your heart, try these:

  1. Forget the box of chocolates. Take your beloved out to a dessert-only restaurant or cafe that has truly sumptuous, decadent desserts. Spend two luxurious hours with dessert wine and coffee and confectionary creations that neither of you knew existed.
  2. Small details shout. Don’t stop with a simple dinner reservation: ask the restaurant if they’ll print a unique message on the menu to be delivered to your table. Better, purchase a bouquet of flowers and have them delivered to the restaurant between the first and second courses. Act casual.
  3. Upset expectations. Women love being surprised, especially if their expectations are upset in a pleasant way. Casually plan a non-romantic date without mentioning VD (such as rock climbing). Then follow it up with a conventional, romantic dinner, complete with details mentioned above.
  4. Be conventional. On the other hand, some women love having their greatest expectations met with zero surprises. Gourmet hand-cooked breakfast-in-bed and a day full of adventures, followed by a romantic evening (complete with surprising details) will put your lady over the moon at the richness with which her expectations were met. Which brings us to the final point . . .
  5. Meet & exceed expectations. As in every area of the Fierce Gentleman’s life, in romance he meets & exceeds expectations. Be prepared to exceed expectations on this day of all days. If you don’t feel up to the task, help yourself out by setting the expectations low initially. Then you can plan to do better next year.

Please spread the Love today. And tomorrow. And every day after that.

Like that? Then you’ll love this: you’re invited to attend our FREE webinar on Dating Confidence. Click here to get access to the webinar.

flourish4


Also published on Medium.

10 Comments Valentine’s Day is Every Day

  1. Kendra Lin

    I saw a video online about someone giving away free hugs and always wondered how the average stanger would respond to something like that in real life. And would a guy or a girl be more successful in ‘collecting’ hugs? Hmmmm…. all sorts of factors to consider.

    A question though… what advice do you have for the loners and introverts of the world for how to find a way to give love (and get love) when they don’t have a real social circle to work within?

    Reply
    1. Drew

      Kendra, I’d recommend trying free hugs. Honestly. It’s not dangerous, and it’s encouraging the positive responses that both men AND women get.
      Apart from that, being more mindful of giving love to your coworkers is a great place to start. We all have to start somewhere.

      Reply
  2. Jg45

    Love, love, love your point that “small details shout,” but you can take it further. The small details shout, and so does the response given to those small details. Sometimes the smallest gesture can mean SO much more… but I think girls often forget to TELL their guys when those small details have made an impression on them. We see it, we like it, but then we don’t give feedback or praise you and then we begin to expect those details all the time. What a cycle!

    Reply
  3. Mandy

    You are SO right about surprises. Even if we pretend we hate them… we love them. I’m so often trying to plan surprises for others, secretly wish that just once someone would plan one for me. Conventional or otherwise, surprises show that you care.

    Reply
  4. Kira Lauler

    I love that you encourage not only practicing love with your lady, but also spreading love to strangers. You never know who needs a smile, a hug, or a simple “hello,” nor do you know the potential impact of a simple gesture created by love.

    I’m reminded of a lyric from my current favorite song… “Like a small boat on the ocean, sending big waves into motion.”

    Thank you for the reminder to love EVERY day.

    Reply

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